“The Koopa Kingdom, Back in Force”
Charles Martinet................as Mario, Luigi
Tress MacNeille.................as Princess Peach, Toadette, Wendy O. Koopa
Kenny James....................as King Bowser Koopa
Kathy Bates.....................as Queen Clawdia Koopa
Jim Cummings.................as Morton Koopa Jr., Toadsworth, Admiral Kooporter, Air Marshal Lakilarson
Frank Welker...................as Toadbert
Corey Burton...................as Ludwig von Koopa, Koopworth, and Mushroom Kingdom Newscaster
Billy West.......................as Roy Koopa
Maurice LaMarche............as Larry Koopa, Generals Russula and Trametes, General Koopatton, Toadson
Rob Paulsen....................as Iggy Koopa and Kamek
Charlie Adler...................as Toad
Jess Harnell....................as Sergeant Terracosta and Toadmer
Paul Dooley....................as General Koopearson
Scott Burns.....................as The Hammer Brothers
Daran Norris...................as Sergeant Fusarium
Tara Strong....................as Lemmy Koopa
Matt Taylor.....................as Paul Koopa and Toadburn
Candi Milo......................as Kate Koopa
Brian George..................as Wolf Koopa
Danny Cooksey...............as Bruce Koopa
Roz Ryan.......................as Kammy Koopa
Eddie Deezen.................as Kambell
Tina Fey........................as Jolene
Additional Voices: Michael Bell, Matt Hill, Cree Summer, Hynden Walch
BGM: Remix of the Super Mario Bros. 3 Koopaling boss fight theme
IMAGE: Prominent members of the Koopa Troop gathered together.
[IRIS IN to the Mushroom Castle grounds. There, people are chatting in the commons area, and various birds and butterflies are flying as the camera zooms in on the castle.]
[Transition to the royal office. Princess Peach comes in, briefcases in hand, and takes her seat to begin her work for the day.]
PEACH: Oh, yes! Just another lovely day! Here’s hoping nothing will go wrong for us. This ought to make a lady like me proud to preside over the chief nation of the Mushroom World! But then again... there’s no way every day can be perfect.
Now, what’s the day’s agenda? Hmm, let’s see... [poring over her to-do list] Got a bazooka control bill to sign into law... a note from the governor of Isle Delfino... and I’ve got an executive order to settle regarding our spending practices. Among other things.
[A few hours later, Peach has somehow finished many of her tasks for the day.]
PEACH: [sighing] Well, that was quite a lot of work, but I managed to get it done in such a short time. Now, what does today’s Mushroom Times say? [she begins to read, then drops the paper in shock] Wait a minute...!! This can’t be right! The F.B.I. [“Fungus Bureau of Investigation”] has just reported that the Koopa Troop is planning something really nasty... or so they suspect!
[becomes frustrated] Cursed crimini... What could they be investigating, anyway? Another potential invasion of this fair land? And I thought nothing could possibly go wrong now!
[FADE IN to a shot of Kastle Koopa. Zoom inside the castle, to the Koopa Kingdom's throne room.]
BOWSER: [furious, pounding the arm of his throne] Rawrrrrrrrrr! How I hate that miserable Mushroom Kingdom! They’re the primary superpower of this puny planet, and our kingdom is only number two! Why’d it have to be like this? Just look at them: so happy and serene, always enjoying their lives! All this peace and prosperity they happen to be enjoying just makes me sick. [jumps down from his throne] I gotta find a way to overpower those troubling toadstool people like the tyrant I am. And I gotta find it fast!
CLAWDIA: Now just what kind of mischief are you planning?! You’ve tried everything, we’ve all tried everything, and there’s absolutely no way we can make it work.
BOWSER: Yes, thinking about it is hard... but what difference does it make what I wanna do? Whatever it is, I just have to do it! Nothing, not even poor decision making, is gonna stop old King Bowser and the Koopa Troop from conquering their kingdom’s number one rival. Bwa ha ha! [He then walks away.]
CLAWDIA: [grumbling] Whatever he’s planning, I hope I get a much-needed opportunity to get even with that crooked Princess Peach, for all she’s worth. Hmmph.
KOOPWORTH: While we’re at it, Your High-and-Mightiness, I suppose you shall have your chance to have her... um, straightened out.
[Minutes later, outside the castle, Bowser has rounded up everybody to begin invading the Mushroom Kingdom.]
BOWSER: [determined] Citizens of the Koopa Kingdom... the time has come! The Mushroom Kingdom’s most desperate hour will be our finest! Soon the Mushroom World will give up the daylight of good for the eternal darkness of evil!
Clawdia, are you with me on this!?
CLAWDIA: Yes, dear. That sounds like an excellent idea. [snickering]
BOWSER: General Koopatton, Admiral Kooporter, General Koopearson... This is a call to arms! Are all your troops present and accounted for?
KOOPATTON: Yes, Your Maliciousness. Everybody is armed and ready for combat.
KOOPORTER: With absolutely nothing held back.
KOOPEARSON: Yes, all our forces are cleared for departure, Your Evillest Excellency.
[With those words, all the Army, Navy, and Air Force march toward their ships and planes headed for the Mushroom Kingdom.]
CLAWDIA: And you Koopalings... Ludwig, Roy, Morton, Larry, Iggy, Wendy, and all the rest of you... Are you with us too?
LARRY: Let’s get ready for battle!
BOWSER: If we’re all ready to get villainous... then I say it’s SHOWTIME!
[Bowser, Clawdia, and the Koopalings board their private aircraft, the Great Flying Turtle. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN. The inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom begin to read and learn about the incident at hand. The members of the Royal Cabinet enter Peach’s office together.]
TOADSWORTH: Your Highness, are you aware of what The Mushroom Times has reported?
TOADBERT: About the possibility that Bowser might be invading the kingdom?
PEACH: Yes, I’m well aware.
TOADBERT: Boy, what is up with those Koopas? Somebody’s gotta do something about ’em, by boogity.
[All the Cabinet members start talking at once.]
PEACH: HOLD IT!!! [They subside.] There’s no need for this mindless chatter. Now listen here: I’ve made my decision, and I don’t need to discuss this with you any further. I’m leaving this whole matter in the able hands of our troops... and our greatest heroes, the Mario Bros.!
TOADSWORTH: Very well then... I must oblige to accept this. [He and the others slowly turn away. FADE OUT.]
[The Royal Koopa Army, Navy, and Air Force arrive into the Mushroom Kingdom with their ships and planes, and the Great Flying Turtle also touches down into Mushroom Kingdom International Airport. Once he and the others emerge from the airport grounds, Bowser announces...]
BOWSER: We have arrived, Mushroom People! Your day of reckoning has come!!
KOOPATTON: [to all his troops gathered around him] This is a golden opportunity! Okay, troops... ATTACK!!!
[At that order, all the Koopa troops charge forward and start attacking the city of Shroomopolis with their tanks, guns, cannons, and other weaponry; in the process they also terrorize and abuse everybody they can. As cannonballs, gunshots, and Bullet Bills fly around and attack the city, Peach watches in horror from the balcony of her castle, with the Royal Cabinet accompanying.]
PEACH: No doubt about it... Only one person we know could be responsible for this, and that’s Bowser!
CABINET MEMBERS: What??!
TOADSWORTH: Blast and botheration! I cannot believe that we must suddenly find ourselves at the mercy of that heartless brute and his wretched forces!
TOADBERT: Yeah, well, I can’t believe it either.
TOADSON: Have you taken any action of your own yet?
PEACH: I’ve called Generals Russula and Trametes and ordered them to prepare their troops to counter the Koopas’ attacks...
[Just then, a platoon of Mushroom Kingdom soldiers arrive on the scene to stand up against the invading Koopas.]
RUSSULA: We’ve found you, Koopa invaders! Ready, men? CHAAARGE!!!
[The Mushroom Kingdom soldiers exit their tanks, prepared to counter the Koopas.]
PEACH: And I know just what I’m going to do next. Desperate times call for desperate measures... so I’m going to brief Mario about this.
[Move to Casa di Mario. While Mario is having an afternoon nap in the living room, his telephone rings, and he then answers.]
JOLENE: [on phone] Now sir... [her tone moves from calm to frustrated/annoyed] I mean, Mr. Mario! I want you to come over to the castle right away. You’re being expected for a meeting with our Princess... regarding something very serious that’s just happened today! An attack by King Koopa and all his armies on our normally peaceful Mushroom Kingdom!
MARIO: Well, you don’t-a say... I’ll be right over!
[He hangs up, takes a quick shower and changes into his normal clothes, then gets into his car and drives toward the castle grounds. After parking, he dashes out and proceeds to the castle...]
[Mario has reached Peach's office. He rings the bell to alert her of his presence, then opens the door.]
MARIO: [saluting] Super Mario, reporting for-a duty!
PEACH: About time! I’ve been waiting for you. [she and Mario walk together toward her desk, and they seat themselves] Those Koopas had us worried, didn’t they?
MARIO: Uh-hum, they sure did, Princess. Now, what is-a there to be resolved?
PEACH: Mario, we’ve got a very terrible crisis on our hands here! This situation is just too much for us to take care of alone. You see, just today, Bowser and all the Koopa Troop just invaded the Mushroom Kingdom yet again. They went about storming Shroomopolis, damaging property and assaulting people all over the city. You can hardly imagine how determined they were in damaging our fair capital!
MARIO: Unbelievable! This is very horrifying indeed! How rotten of them, to think-a they could disrupt the national security of this-a kingdom...
PEACH: Yes, this is something I can hardly believe. Even though they’ve attacked us so many times... This isn’t their first attack here, and this certainly isn’t going to be their last. I’ve called out the military and ordered them to drive the Koopas out of our poor kingdom...
[Just then, her phone rings.]
PEACH: Hello? Is this General Russula?
RUSSULA: [on phone] Your Highness, I am calling to tell you that we just forced those menacing Koopas to retreat! And partly thanks to the efforts of my troops, most of what’s in the city has been left unscathed. And they never even bothered to attack the Government District! Or the castle!
PEACH: So it looks like at least some good has come out of all this... But if you’ll excuse me, I’m dealing with Mario. I believe this matter is best left to him. [hangs up]
PEACH: Now Mario, here’s what you’re expected to do. Your mission is to travel to the Koopa Kingdom and attack the place with all your might, so that those shelled scoundrels can pay a fair price for the siege they just launched on the Mushroom Kingdom! But be warned, the troops and civilians are on hand to threaten and harm you at every turn. Whatever it takes to defeat them, you have to be persistent. And if you find any of our own people as prisoners in Bowser’s dungeons... you need to set them free. You never know who you’ll find trapped in there. Do you think you can handle this?
MARIO: Yes, Princess. I certainly can... and believe-a me, I will. [Mario gets up from his seat and prepares to leave.]
PEACH: Good luck, Mario. And be careful.
[With that, our hero heads out on his way.]
[As Mario leaves the castle grounds, he heads home to pack his car with his power-ups, weapons, several meals, and other supplies. Then he goes to his unsuspecting brother's room, where he is unkempt and still in pajamas, to call him to join...]
MARIO: Luigi!!! I just want to tell you―
LUIGI: What are you doing!? Why'd you have to bother me?
MARIO: The Koopas have been causing chaos today, and it's so bad, I can't-a take on those menaces alone. I was-a wondering if I could get you to join me...
LUIGI: Okay, that's all right. Are you sure you’ve actually been assigned to do this?
MARIO: Sure, Weegee. Now, working alone, I can do just-a fine... but-a working with you, this mission can be finished in record-a time!
LUIGI: Thanks, Mario. Just gimme time to get myself-a ready.
[Mario walks away to take the driver’s seat in his car. Then several minutes later, once Luigi is clothed, clean and ready, he takes his place as shotgun.]
MARIO: Now, listen up, Luigi. We’re heading over to the airport to board a one-way flight for the Koopa Kingdom. This is our chance-a to show Bowser who’s-a the real boss in the Mushroom World! Are you with me?
LUIGI: Yes. I feel very tense, and-a rather nervous, but... I’ll try.
MARIO: Then let’s-a go!! [They drive off. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN. At the airport, Mario and Luigi begin to board the special two-person airplane prepared for them.]
MARIO: So, Luigi, this is it. This is our-a chance to advance... into the territory of our mortal enemies!
LUIGI: Mamma mia, if only I wasn’t such a shameless-a chicken! Then I would have had the drive to treat those Koopas like the threats they really are!
MARIO: Quit your jabbering, bro. That won’t-a get us anywhere.
[They take their seats. Then suddenly, an air traffic controller shouts, “Okay, take off!”]
MARIO: That’s our “all clear” signal! Got everything ready ― all the power-ups, supplies and everything we need for this harrowing journey. [starts the motor] Ready, steady, and let’s-a fly away! [The plane takes off.]
[Back at the castle as nightfall approaches, The Mushroom Retainers are watching the evening news on TV.]
NEWSCASTER: This just in! Our favorite hero, Mario, has reportedly taken off for the Koopa Kingdom... to exact we predict will be a substantial amount of revenge on our least favorite villain, Bowser, for his sudden and unexpected persuasive attack on our domain.
TOAD: O.M.G., I guess this means there’s a mole hill of hope for the good ol’ Mushroom Kingdom after all.
TOADETTE: Don’t be silly, Toad! It’s more like a mountain of hope!
TOAD: Wow, thanks for that, Toadette. You sure are one to brighten up a real dark day. Now guys, no matter how hopeless it seems, our pal Mario’s got everything all taken care of... right?
TOADBURN: Well, Toad, he’s the only one we can trust to get us out of this mess, and you know it!
TOADSTER: After all, it was the most legitimate and honorable thing for him to do. You have no idea what our kingdom would be without him. He’s a world-class hero, no doubt.
TOAD: [laughing] Hey, am I lucky to have buddies as good as you!
TOADMER: [lazily] Don’t bother me... I ate way too much for lunch. I need a nap.
[FADE IN. The Mario Bros.’ plane has just touched down onto the terrain of the Koopa Kingdom. There they meet Generals Russula and Trametes.]
MARIO: [saluting] Ah, General Russula! What an honor it is to have you and your-a forces on our side!
RUSSULA: No, not at all. My army deserves no credit here! This is your mission, Mario. We are only here to support you.
LUIGI: Well, I may need support from you. I’m a natural born coward. I’m afraid of lots of things, especially ghosts and mischievous spirits...
TRAMETES: This is no time to be afraid, maggot! You need to get your act together and be cooperative.
LUIGI: Er― um... yes sir?
MARIO: Well, anyway, Generals... Princess-a Peach didn’t send me out here for nothing! We’ve got a Koopa Troop to tackle!
LUIGI: B-b-but I don't wanna―
MARIO: Just get going, Luigi!!
[Meanwhile, General Koopatton is looking through a telescope, learning that a trespasser has intruded onto the kingdom's land.]
GENERAL KOOPATTON: Bah! I should have seen this coming! Mario has somehow wormed his way into the Koopa Kingdom. Hmmph.
SERGEANT TERRACOSTA: Sir, there must be a way to make that mustachioed meddler get what’s coming to him.
KOOPATTON: Why don’t you consider sending out more troops than usual? Or maybe you should―
TERRACOSTA: That ain’t what I’m thinking of, sir. [notices Russula and his troops advancing into Koopenburg, the Koopa Kingdom’s capital, to attack the city] Wait, nevermind― Mario’s brought the whole Mushroom Kingdom army with him! What could be worse? They happen to be on the attack right this minute!!
KOOPATTON: [irritated] Then there’s no excuse in wasting any time here! Be prepared to counter at any cost! Send the order to every rank, squad, platoon, brigade, and company! You’ve got to get rid of those pests even if it’s the last thing you ever do, understand?!
TERRACOSTA: Yes sir!!
[All of a sudden, the Royal Koopa Army comes onto the scene, ready to do battle against the Mushroom Kingdom armed forces. Ranks of Goombas and Buzzy Beetles, and companies of Koopa soldiers march forward and approach the platoons of Toad soldiers that are out after them.]
TERRACOSTA: There they are! Okay, troops... ATTACK!!!
[From afar off, Mario and Luigi are listening in on the assault. As they hear the Koopa soldiers' guns roaring, they hear the shouts of Toad soldiers yowling in pain. At that dreadful sound, the brothers know it's time to take action...]
MARIO: Oh no!!! Sergeant Terracosta’s got our poor Toad soldiers cornered! We’ve gotta save ’em!
LUIGI: And what? Drag me into a fight? Like-a this?!
MARIO: Quit being such a pollo pazzo! You’re gonna have to start-a pulling your weight, because those Toad-a soldiers rarely ever get things done on their own!
[They run off toward the attacking Koopas. Mario jumps onto one of the soldiers' heads and removes his shell, throwing it at his company and sending them careening in all directions. After that, Luigi stomps on the Goomba corps, and Mario stomps one of the Buzzy Beetles into its shell which he throws at the rest of them. As Mario attacks the Koopas, the Toad soldiers run away so as to avoid getting hit.]
SERGEANT FUSARIUM: Now what do you think you’re doing!?!
MARIO: I, uh... Well, I thought your soldiers weren’t able to do those Koopa troopers in on their own. Besides, General Russula told-a me that this was my battle to fight, not-a yours.
SERGEANT FUSARIUM: I get it now. [to his men] Listen up, troops! This battle belongs to our friend Mario... And you’re only fighting to support him. Is that clear?
TOAD SOLDIERS: Yes! All clear, Sarge!
AIR MARSHAL LAKILARSON: [off-screen] Not so fast!!
[Reveal Lakilarson and his Elite Lakitu Brigade.]
LAKILARSON: You’ve done enough, you rotten rascal! Elite Lakitu Brigade... Throw your Spiny Eggs at this impeccable pest!
THREE LAKITUS: Yes, Air Marshal Lakilarson.
[The Lakitus chase Mario and Luigi around, throwing Spiny Eggs at them all the way. Once they've sprinted to safety, they come across question mark blocks which yield two Fire Flowers, turning them into their fire forms. With that, they launch streams of fireballs at those eggs that have hatched into Spinies, then jump onto some brick platforms and stomp one Lakitu each, knocking them out of their clouds. While on the clouds, they set their fireballs to the rest of the brigade, causing many Lakitus to jump off their clouds and burning their stocks of Spiny Eggs.]
[Then they jump off their clouds, stomping on Lakilarson's head as they do so. Once the bros land back down onto the ground below, the Fire Flower power expires, turning them back to normal.]
MARIO: That's-a so nice! Easier said than done, huh?
LUIGI: Um, guess I suppose so. [FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN. Koopenburg is now in ruin, and Mario and Luigi run into General Koopatton.]
KOOPATTON: So! You and your puny toadstool charges have managed to infiltrate my army’s ranks! You stupid plumbing knights... You should be ashamed of yourselves!
MARIO: Ashamed!? The great-a Mario is not ashamed or guilty of things his enemies accuse him of, General Koopatton. You so crooked, I ought to straighten you out!
[Mario and Luigi then proceed to battle Koopatton ― stomping on him, hitting him with their hammers and throwing his soldiers' shells at him. Koopatton counters each attack from the bros by either strangling one of them, or ducking into his shell and spinning around in their direction. Eventually, the bros win the skirmish, and the gruff general turns out humiliated.]
KOOPATTON: Okay, you win. I’ll let you can go on ahead and storm Lord Bowser’s castle... But don’t expect me to stay down forever. When we’re back on our feet, we’ll get you again!
[The defeated Koopatton retreats with his soldiers. Mario and Luigi watch, contented.]
LUIGI: Guess we put him in his place.
MARIO: He’s not gonna learn any lessons from us, bro.
[With Koopatton defeated, Mario and Luigi move forward to the gates of Bowser’s castle, to storm the place and challenge everybody inside. As they approach the front door...]
CASTLE GUARD: Halt! Hold it right there! What gives you the right to barge into this keep as though you own it??! Begone, you impudent botherances!
MARIO: I come here to claim this castle in the name of the Mushroom Kingdom! Prepare yourselves to put this estate under strict guard... [pulls out his hammer] ...’cause protected or not, I’ll raid the place anyway. [whacks the guard, dumping him into the moat, and enters into the castle door with Luigi. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN to Bowser’s Castle.]
MARIO: All righty, Luigi, now’s-a the chance. Let’s-a show those Koopas what happens to those who mess up the Mushroom Kingdom!
[Cut to Larry Koopa in his room. A castle guard has just barged in, panicking.]
LARRY: [grumbling] What do you want?
CASTLE GUARD: It's an emergency situation! We have an uninvited guest in this castle!!!
[This shocks Larry.]
LARRY: What?! An uninvited guest?! [gets angry] If anybody, it can only be Mario. I just hate it every time he intrudes on us! Now get out!! [The guard does so, and Larry slams the door.]
LARRY: I’m gonna give the orders to all my fellow Koopalings, and we’ll work together to ambush that wretch. That miserable wrench monkey... [His frown turns into a wicked smile.] Heh heh heh! This is gonna be badder than bad. This is gonna be baddest.
[Back to Mario and Luigi as they walk through the entrance hall of the castle. Statues of Bowser erected at random points in the hall shoot lasers and fireballs without warning, as the bros approach them. As they get to the door at the end of the hall and prepare to invade the castle proper...]
MARIO: This is only the beginning! Come on, Luigi!
[Mario and Luigi continue to make their way through the corridors and various rooms of Bowser's castle, disrupting and attacking every Koopa inside that they can. As they do this, they have to survive many kinds of obstacles: lava pools, Chain Chomps, Bob-ombs, Thwomps, and spike pillars among others. Then once they get to the gym area, they confront the muscular Boom Boom.]
BOOM BOOM: Graaaah! If you’re going after the king himself, don’t count on passing easily. I’m the first trial that awaits you! Time for a fight!
[Boom Boom attacks by spinning around with his fists in a mighty whirlwind until he is dizzy. He also retreats into his shell to make attempts to crush his opponents. In the end, it's Mario and Luigi who are winning. As Boom Boom is sent down to defeat...]
BOOM BOOM: Why you puny ants... I’m never one to be underestimated. You’re stronger than I thought. Go on, get out before I change my mind!
[FADE IN. Mario and Luigi approach an arena area where most of the Koopaling clan are waiting for them.]
LARRY: We’ve been waiting for you, Mario. You were impressive to make it here. But now there’s no more excuse for us to be nice guys and girls! It’s time to start battling! Get ’em, everybody!!!
Lemmy, uh... since you’re the youngest, you get to go first.
LEMMY: Okay! Are you ready, Mario? You better be lucky, ’cause I’m about to hit you with the power of illusion! Go ahead and throw a wrench at me, I dare you!
[Mario does so. But before the wrench hits Lemmy, he vaporizes it with his wand.]
LEMMY: Hee hee hee! Wasn’t that a wonder? Now you see it, now you don’t.
MARIO: If that’s-a how it is, you clown, I suppose I’m gonna have to take you out the old-fashioned way.
[Lemmy takes two stomps from Mario, and one from Luigi, before he’s downed.]
LEMMY: There could’ve been more drama...
LARRY: Poor little Lemster, just as pathetic and idiotic as we always knew him. Wolf and Ozzy, you’re next.
[Wolf comes up at Mario and Luigi, teeth gnashing; and Ozzy, who has been playing music on an iPad knockoff, uses his song to annoy Luigi.]
LUIGI: [scared] Daaaaaah! Stop that loud music, you!
[Mario stomps on Wolf...]
WOLF: [muttering] Dad-gum you obnoxious slob...
MARIO: You break-a the rules of etiquette, you suffer the consequences.
[...while Luigi takes on Ozzy.]
LUIGI: You’re too wild for your own good, you little punk!
PAUL: I think the girls should get their turn. Wendy, Kate?
[They move forward.]
WENDY: Listen up, Mario, you’re a total jerk. You and your brother are the dumbest guys I know, and you’ll never hold any value to any of us Koopas! Say hello to my Life Saver Candy Rings!
[Waving her wand, she conjures them up.]
MARIO: No, no, I’m not eating them. You’re the one who ought to eat them!
[He shoves the rings in her mouth. Wendy chews and swallows them up.]
WENDY: You just gave me a bad tummy ache... I’m gonna weigh so much I won’t look good. [groaning]
KATE: [to Luigi] You’re a lean, green, mean sucking machine! Well, you’re gonna have to face my little Gumdrop Goombas!
[She creates them with her wand. But Luigi stomps on them, then gives Kate herself three stomps to the head.]
LUIGI: This is what-a happens to ladies who dare to treat-a gentlemen... you know, disrespectfully.
MARIO: Way to show her, bro.
LARRY: Your turn, Paul! Go on!
PAUL: Okay!! [fires star shots from his wand]
MARIO: Duck and cover! [Luigi does so.]
[Then Mario charges toward Paul and whacks him with his hammer.]
IGGY: It’s my turn next! AAH-HAHAAAA!!! Time to get tough... and make it snappy! Eh-haa!
MARIO: Mamma mia, this Iggy fellow’s just-a nutso.
[Iggy charges for the Mario brothers in a carriage he constructed, pulled by a Chain Chomp. But Luigi stomps on Iggy's head three times. After that...]
IGGY: You think I'm crazy?! Well, Mario boys, you’re the crazy ones!
[Then Mario gives him two more stomps.]
IGGY: Darn it, you two are just miserable!
LARRY: Morton! Bruce! You two finish them!
MORTON: Right away! All your fun and games are over, Mario Bros.! I oughta stomp you silly, smash you to dust! I’m gonna make up for what I didn’t get to do to Peach's castle, by pounding you with mightier blows than the old mastermind himself!
BRUCE: Less talk, more force!
MARIO: Hey Morton, how about an arm wrestling duel?
[The duo engage in an arm wrestling match. In the first round, Morton wins against Mario...]
MORTON: Playing hard to get, are you? On to round two!
[In round two, however, Mario wins against Morton.]
MORTON: Yowch!! Aaaaghh, that had to hurt! I had no idea you could be so powerful!!
[Meanwhile, Luigi has smacked Bruce down with his hammer.]
BRUCE: Lady Clawdia’s gonna punish me so badly...
LARRY: No need to be coy, Roy! Just get down and show those half-wits what you’re made of!
ROY: Right on! Let’s rock and roll, baby!
[Roy fires shots from his wand, throws wrenches, and body-slams at Luigi. Mario attacks him with wrenches of his own. Once he’s paralyzed, Luigi finishes him off by stomping on his head.]
ROY: Ughhh. Tryin’ to get to me, eh? Not cool, man...
LUDWIG: Guess zat means you’ll haff to deal vit’ ze incomparable Lutvick fon Koopa. Try vat you must vit’ me, but you vill neffer defeat me! Prepare yourself to make your move, because it’s time for ze Doomsday Movement! Part 1: “Flutter Jump Toccata!”
[He flutter-jumps around, too high for Mario and Luigi to reach him.]
MARIO: Looks like this guy’s a tough one.
LUIGI: Have you tried... this? [pulls out a pair of Super Leaves]
[Mario and Luigi take the leaves, which give them raccoon ears and tails. They use those to fly around after Ludwig, and eventually fly so high up that they are able to stomp him down to the ground.]
MARIO: Heh heh. You know what they say: What goes up, must-a come down!
LUDWIG: [grumbles] Don’t fink you vere able to catch me in ze act so easily. Next off, Part 2: “Magic Mystical Vand Fugue in Beam Minor!”
[He fires several magic beams from his wand. They hit the bros, removing their raccoon powers. Then, Mario and Luigi proceed again to give Ludwig one stomp apiece.]
LUDWIG: Daaauugh! Zat hurt! Now for ze finale: Ze “Villiam Shell Overturn!”
[He ducks into his shell and spins around. The bros run around the field until Ludwig comes out and gets dizzy. Then Mario stomps him.]
LUDWIG: Noooooo!! Zis... Zis is just plain... pathétique.
LARRY: [furious] Grrrrraaaaaagghh!! THAT’S IT!!! Now I’ll finish you off myself! Come on, Mario ― let’s see if you can outwit me the way you did the whole rest of the gang!
[He fires three blasts of blue fireballs from his wand. The brothers dodge them, then Mario smacks him with his hammer.]
LARRY: Ow! You got me. But don’t get too cocky. Would you like some more?
[He shoots more fireballs. They turn part of the floor into a lava pool.]
LARRY: Mwa ha ha! Try dumping me into this pool there! Just try!
[Larry runs around, occasionally spinning in his shell. The brothers stomp on him repeatedly, then Luigi whacks him with his hammer...]
[and BAM - Larry falls down into the lava.]
[But somehow, he manages to claw his way out of the pool. He continues to scream, but then the other Koopalings find a bucket of water in the room and dump it onto his burning parts. As they do this, the Mario Bros. leave the room to move on to their next trial. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN. Larry opens the door to speak to the Mario Bros. as they go on their way.]
LARRY: We hate you so much, Mario! We’ll get you for this some other time, mark my words!!
[Then he slams the door at them.]
LUIGI: Okay, now we’ve taken care of those pesky Koopalings. What next?
MARIO: Well... [He hears screams, growls, and cries of "HELP!" coming from a room nearby] Oh, that reminds-a me... [He pulls a key out of his pocket.] When we finished ’em off, they dropped the key to the dungeon! There’s-a friends of ours trapped in there! Stay right here, bro. I’m-a gonna go save ’em!
[Then Mario charges through the door, storms down the steps towards the prison cell, and uses the key to unlock it and free a group of unsuspecting Toads.]
PRISONERS: Yaaay! Mario! You came here! Thanks for saving me! Thank you! You did it! I’ve gotten tired of this already! Woo-hoo! That’s our Mario! You’re a real hero!
[Each of the above lines is spoken by a different prisoner. Meanwhile, Mario notices several swag bags with stolen property in another section of the dungeon.]
MARIO: Wait a minute! In invading the city... those Koopas not only kidnapped some of the people, but they stole their share of-a property as well!
[Mario takes the bags and hands them to the Toad prisoners.]
MARIO: Here guys, take these bags full of stuff the Koopas robbed from Shroomopolis. Now stand back, everybody. I’m-a bombing this wall!
[The Toad prisoners stand afar off and wait while Mario blasts the dungeon wall with Bob-ombs. Then the Mushroom Kingdom Air Force come in with a helicopter to take the released prisoners back home, with the bags full of property waiting to be returned to its owners.]
MARIO: Okay, Weegee, the folks the Koopas imprisoned are-a free now. Now let’s-a go on and see what other dangers lie ahead of us.
[They move on to the next room and through a number of other halls and rooms afterwards, pummeling more Koopas and causing more chaos. As they go forward, they have to face more Thwomps, more lava pits with Podoboos living inside, more Bowser statues, potted Piranha Plants, roto-discs, and sentient suits of armor. Then they’re approached by more enemies, all of whom are irritated at their presence: Lord Kamek and some of his Magikoopas, the Hammer Brothers, and wicked Queen Clawdia.
Kamek is the first to confront them.]
KAMEK: Mario, you’ve gone far enough! You stubborn, impudent cheater! Maybe I should fix you up with some Magikoopa magic. And I’ve got some tough magic masters on my side to back me up. Together, we can cause what we consider a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of chaos!
[Several members of the Magikoopa Militia move forward with spells to cast on the Mario brothers.]
KAMMY KOOPA: I can see you’ve aged well, but you're always a young whippersnapper to me. Nyeah heh heh!! Watch this! Hocus-pocus, mirrors and smoke-us, time to take this gift that looks like a joke-us!
[She summons a block to drop down on the Mario Bros., but they escape in time before it can hit them. Then Mario moves to kick Kammy down, causing her to drop her wand, and then stomp on her head three times. She growls and hisses.]
KAMBELL: What did you just do to Kammy? You crooks, I ought to get you with a spell of my own! Abra-cod-abra!
[He fires shots from his wand, which fail to transform Mario and Luigi. The bros gain the upper hand and snatch his wand, turning him into a Cheep Cheep. Then three more Magikoopas attack, making shots with their wands that seem to be fired at the bros, but all are defeated.]
KAMEK: Hrmmph. You meddlers! Guess I’ll have to start being merciless.
MARIO: Then we’ll have to stop showing laziness!
KAMEK: Fool me once, twice, three times, doesn’t matter. Shame on you!
[Kamek waves his wand three times, releasing a barrage of fantastic light bursts. Mario and Luigi evade all of them. Then Kamek takes six stomps, three from each bro, followed by a good hammer whack from Mario.]
MARIO: Well, Kamek, you have proof here that you’re not as competent as you think.
KAMEK: Oh, brother. I’ll remember this...
CLAWDIA: [enraged] You!!! How could you do this!!? You abused, outwitted, and overpowered my Koopalings, my Magikoopas, and so many others throughout this domain!! Why do we have to suffer so many defeats at your hands, you savage sewer rat? How DARE you!!!
[At several points during her rage, she stomps the floor. Then she strangles Mario.]
CLAWDIA: Mario... I’ve HAD IT up to here with your persistence in defaming and assaulting all the people of the Koopa Kingdom. If you’re thinking of going after my husband, you can just forget it! Even if I’m the only one standing between you and him!
MARIO: [growling and fuming] Oh, holy rigatoni... Why must you get at-a me with this... Unngh. Just-a let me go!!!
CLAWDIA: All right then. [She drops Mario.] If that’s how you want it, you little meanie, then I suppose I’m gonna have to use force if you’re ready for it. Hammer Brothers... ATTACK!!!
HAMMER BROTHERS: Yes ma’am! Right away!
[They throw streams of hammers at the Mario Bros., who use their own hammers to deflect some of the projectiles. Then Mario and Luigi proceed to stomp on the Hammer Brothers’ heads, three stomps per brother.]
SERGEANT HAMMERSMITH: I ain’t gonna regret bein’ beaten down like this. You’re the one who's gonna regret beatin’ me!
[After that, Clawdia has DEFINITELY had enough.]
CLAWDIA: Okay, now I’m really serious. I’m gonna make you pay the price myself! Who do you think’s more powerful, my hubby or me!? Listen up, Mario, I’m every bit as much of a terror as he is! So now’s the time for me to give you a beatdown you’ll never forget!!
[She begins to go into a rage, stomping the floor so that an electric force field is created around the walls of the room. Then she pulls out a Bob-omb ready to be thrown at Mario and Luigi.]
CLAWDIA: Hey, how’s this for a big bang?
[She drops the Bob-omb, and several more, onto the floor. Mario and Luigi jump to avoid all of them.]
CLAWDIA: Okay, it’s on to round two: wind-up Mecha-Koopas!
[She winds up a few of these toys, launching them towards Mario and Luigi. But they stomp them and throw them at her.]
LUIGI: Think you’re a machine? Well, this is where the machines get-a the best of you!
[Clawdia, however, counters by using her martial arts skills to bruise Luigi badly. Mario uses a mighty swing from his hammer to knock Clawdia into the force field, stunning her and forcing her into defeat.]
CLAWDIA: [sighs] I should have kidnapped Princess Peach. Then I would get to settle my score with her...
MARIO: You leave-a my sweetheart out of this!!!
CLAWDIA: [groans] Bowser, dearie... Mario’s... coming... for you... [She faints.]
MARIO: [noticing Luigi limping around, injured by Clawdia’s attacks] Well, bro, looks like she really got you, didn’t she?
[He pulls out his radio and begins to page General Trametes.]
MARIO: General Trametes, sir? My brother Luigi was injured by Bowser’s wife, Queen-a Clawdia, when battling her with-a me. Can you send some of your men to airlift him out of the castle? Thank you.
TRAMETES: [on radio] Yes sir! They’ll be right along!
[He hangs up and speaks to Luigi.]
MARIO: Luigi... you just stay-a right here and wait for the Air Force to lift you out of the castle and-a lead you to the medics to be restored to health. I’m going-a forward to challenge the great King Bowser in a one-on-one duel.
LUIGI: Well, um... good luck.
[Mario rushes out of the room, alone. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN to the final corridor of Bowser’s Castle. Mario takes out his laptop computer, sets it on a table, and turns it on.]
MARIO: Just one more thing to do... I need to do a video chat with Princess-a Peach and let her know how close-a my mission is to being accomplished.
[In the Mushroom Castle, Peach is about to start another work day. She feels somewhat distressed, worried that Mario may have been injured in his battles.]
PEACH: It’s not going to be the same for me if his game is over...
[Just then, her computer gives her a notification, with a beeping noise. Mario is sending her a special webcam message!]
MARIO: Well, hello there, Princess! Nice-a to see you!
PEACH: Hi Mario! Good to know you’re doing okay after all this!
MARIO: Listen up, Peachy, I’m-a calling to let you know that the mission you gave-a me... is all but accomplished!
PEACH: [gasps] For real?!
MARIO: Yes, that’s-a right. Only one monster remains before I can call it a job well done. And that happens to be the notorious King Bowser himself!
[Peach’s spirits are lifted.]
PEACH: Wow! You’re gonna win this, I just know it!! What can I say but... Good luck, Mario. I’m counting on you. In fact, we’re all counting on you! Don’t quit your day job, okay?
[Peach ends the chat.]
PEACH: I’d better get everybody ready to give him a good hero’s welcome once he gets back to the Mushroom Kingdom.
[Back to Bowser’s Castle. Mario, having finished his message, moves forward into the corridor, and opens the door to the Koopa Kingdom’s throne room. As he enters...]
BOWSER: [off screen] Gwa ha ha ha ha ha haah!!!
MARIO: Mamma mia! Could it be...
[Reveal Bowser, seated on his throne with his devilish scepter in hand.]
BOWSER: Mario!! I’ve been waiting quite a long time for you to come here. I didn’t go after your beloved princess, but you broke into my castle after all just to get your vengeance on me! Not that it’s rightful or anything...
MARIO: All right, Bowser, it’s-a the end of the line for you. Those wicked plots and-a schemes of yours have gone far enough! And you’ll never make-a the Mushroom Kingdom yours, as long as I have anything to say about it!!
BOWSER: So you’re just begging to be punished, are you? If that’s what you want, then I suppose that’s what you’re gonna get. Mwa ha ha...
MARIO: Ah-ha! Now that’s how it is! Since you so headstrong, how about I challenge you to a duel between the two biggest-a rivals in the Mushroom World?!
BOWSER: Oh, yeah! Bring it on, big shot! Prepare yourself for the biggest smackdown of your life! Gwa ha ha hah! This is gonna be excellent!
[Bowser begins the battle by throwing a stream of hammers at Mario, who escapes them. He also stomps the floor to paralyze his rival. But then, Mario jumps over the shockwaves to avoid getting stunned, then hits Bowser with a smack of his hammer.]
BOWSER: [roaring loudly] Nobody outsmarts the King of the Koopas and gets away with it!!!
[Bowser breathes fire at Mario, forcing him to run to a position where this attack would not make contact. Mario pulls out a Fire Flower, which transforms him.]
MARIO: Time to fight-a fire with fire!
BOWSER: Why, I’ll get you yet if it’s the last thing I do!
[While Mario is hurling his own fireballs at Bowser, the Koopa King counters by chucking more hammers at him. Then he pounds Mario to the ground, reverting him to normal.]
MARIO: [irritated, grumbling] Why, you... No-good, arrogant, spiteful, sinister, bullying ruffian...
BOWSER: Did you think you could defeat me!? Well, you’re just plain foolish. A mindless idiot! All your powers, strategies, and so-called efforts amount to nothing!
[On “nothing,” Bowser pounds him again. Then without warning, Mario gets up.]
MARIO: Then that’s-a that! You’re-a goin’ down! And with you, your precious Koopa Kingdom. This-a planet is not the place for rotten evildoers!
BOWSER: It will be before long if I finish you!
[Mario and Bowser continue their battle. Bowser attacks by stomping the floor and breathing more streams of fire, Mario with more hammer whacks which end up causing him to lay down on his back. In this position, Mario is now able to stomp on Bowser's belly (due to his crown and spikes, Mario was unable to stomp on him when he was standing upright). After five good stomps to the stomach, Bowser is defeated.]
MARIO: Woo-hoo! I’m-a number one and-a proud of it! Which just goes-a to show: in the end, the wicked never triumph.
[But soon, he recovers and gets up.]
BOWSER: Hey Mario, listen up! You and your freaky friends haven’t seen the last of me!! Just you wait: we’ll be back before you know it, with a new evil scheme and more chaos to cause!! I hope you secure a place for yourself in the graveyard of heroes! Now get outta my castle!
MARIO: The way I came? [laughs] I can think of a better way out.
[He pulls out a feather, causing his cap to grow wings, and then flies out of the castle through one of the throne room’s windows, which was unknowingly left open. As Mario makes his way out, the castle collapses. FADE OUT.]
[FADE IN. Mario flies downward to Luigi, who has recovered from his injury by now. At that moment, the wings on Mario's cap disappear, and the rumbling noise stops.]
MARIO & LUIGI: We did it!!!
MARIO: We finally put those-a cruel cold-blood Koopas right in their place!
LUIGI: We did? Well, for a moment I thought I was-a toast. But I’m back to normal again. And I must-a say, this whole battle would’a been a total loss if it wasn’t for you, bro.
MARIO: Thanks a lot! Now that it’s all said and done, we can head back home to the good old Mushroom Kingdom.
LUIGI: Ha-ha! That’s-a wonderful!
[They get on board their plane and fly away.]
[Cut to the rubble of Bowser’s Castle. A badly injured Bowser pops out.]
BOWSER: Curses! I would have had the Mushroom Kingdom all to myself by now, if it wasn’t for that miscreant Mario...
[FADE IN to Mushroom Kingdom International Airport. A large crowd of Mushroom Kingdom citizens are seated in a giant waiting room, anticipating Mario’s return, including Peach, the Royal Cabinet, many of the Mushroom Castle’s residents including the Mushroom Retainers and some of their parents, and many of the citizens of Shroomopolis. While everyone is conversing and otherwise occupying themselves, Peach looks out at the window as she sees a suspicious airplane coming in for a landing.]
PEACH: Would you look at that?! That plane... Who could it be? [The plane touches down, and she notices and recognizes its design.] That’s no ordinary jet! That’s our good friend Mario!
[She gets up from her seat to share it with all the others.]
PEACH: Everybody, please get ready to give a round of applause! Mario has just come back to the Mushroom Kingdom!
[Mario comes out, with Luigi behind him, both carrying their luggage. At the sight of that, all the Mushroom Kingdom get up to greet their hero with tremendous cheering and applause.]
EVERYONE: Yaaay! Hooray! Welcome back, Mario!! Welcome back!
MARIO: Yup, that’s-a right! The hero has returned! Thank you so much, everyone!
PEACH: No, not at all. Thank you, Mario. We owe everything to you. [gives him a kiss, then moves to hug him] You’ve made this kingdom feel a lot safer.
MARIO: Mm-hmm. I conquered the Koopas, I recovered everything they’d-a stolen, I did all I could to keep the kingdom safe... and I even brought back quite a few folks who’d-a been imprisoned. Thanks-a to my efforts, the battle has been won! But the war is still not over. Some minion of-a Bowser’s just might restore him to good health... and then they’ll be back to strike yet again! And again, and again-a!
PEACH: In that case... just remember to never let your guard down.
TOADSWORTH: Master Mario, nothing we do or say is enough to express our admiration for your heroic efforts.
TOADBERT: For sure, Toadsworth, that’s true. But we could use something more.
MARIO: You... You’re right! This calls for a real celebration!
PEACH: That gives me the idea. We can all celebrate with a special dinner and a party at the castle!
[Everyone cheers at this.]
MARIO: Hey, why not? As a matter of fact, I think that’s-a the perfect way to honor somebody who never misses an opportunity to prove his heroism. Somebody who, even when his work is done, feels-a like he’s always ready for an adventure! Now come on, everybody! Let’s-a party!!!
[They all run joyfully out of the airport. IRIS OUT.]